Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
