dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
