All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
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