I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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