he was CRYING into my vagina
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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