i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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