So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
do nipples grow back?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
