hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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