Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
