I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize