my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
