And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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