I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
