awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
