You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
