Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
