mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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