I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
