He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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