I CAN MOONWALK!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My feet surprised me
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
