they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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