So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
