i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
