from now on my penis is your penis
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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