So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
