I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
