the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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