Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize