you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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