you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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