hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
