whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
FUCK WHALES
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize