Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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