Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize