Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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