She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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