No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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