remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
