She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
