No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
