I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
try to milk me bitch
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize