ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
