There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
