I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
