I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
