hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
