dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
