he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
