Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
A+ Viking dick
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
