i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize