She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
