I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
