she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
