Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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