Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize