Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
