A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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