I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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