I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
