Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
