I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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