So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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