Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
