Will you blow on my dice?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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